This is a real situation. Back in 2009, I was going through a situation. I had never felt so much hurt, and a feeling of betrayal - along with feeling I had no one to turn to. Though I had people to talk to, no one felt the crushing pain. It's my personality to do well at staying positive and strong, but this time was different.
To summarize, I had received something in writing that ripped my heart out. I sobbed deeply, and harder than I can even describe here. I was to the point of heaving from such a deep, sobbing cry. The situation did not seem to get better. Over a period of weeks, the pain was killing me. I sunk into a depression which made it hard to go to work and care for my daughter. My friends expressed concern, but I couldn't see a way out. I couldn't change the situation. I had to just "get through it" and pray that time would heal my wounds.
I was to the point in my situation, that something had to change or I would lose my sanity. That's how it felt. One night a lay in bed absolutely miserable with a deep, huge heartache. I was home alone. I finally drifted to sleep. I drifted in and out of a restless sleep as I had many nights. Around what I am guessing was 4-5 am while it was still dark outside, someone woke me up. I felt this heat come over my head and felt my hair move. I felt the physical sensation of a large manly hand over the top of my whole head with the finger tips resting on my forehead. This hand was like a helmet, covering my whole head. I woke up and my hands went to to my head. I lay there in awe. I was coming from a dreamy state in which I was dreaming that God placed his hand on my head, but as I awoke and felt his hand, I thought there was someone in my room. I lay there trying to make sense of it for a few seconds. I felt tears rush to my eyes.
That is when I realized how peaceful I suddenly felt. These were not tears of pain, but tears of joy!!! Despite HOW HORRIBLE my situation felt, I no longer felt the pain. I still felt a sadness about it, but no longer it felt personal. I no longer owned it. I laid there crying in bed tears of JOY, realizing God stepped in and laid His hand on my head. I felt this woozy state of peace. I felt like the whole room was lighter (I mean the heaviness of the burden was gone). After weeks of heartache, I was changed literally in an instant to this peaceful state. I was also given instruction of how to proceed. I received the answer of what I needed to do in this situation. I knew my next step, I knew I no longer owned the burden and my job was done. All I could do now was give it to God and give up the reigns of control. I not only felt peace, but I actually felt happy. Not happy over situation, but happy I no longer carried the burden. God took that for me.
Just a side-note about where I was in my spiritual journey. As a young child and periodically in life, I had "given my life to the Lord" in service at church but never followed through. I believed in God completely but was so caught up in the flesh. It wasn't until more recently that I made a full life change and commitment to God. During this time, I was living in a way that was not approved by God. I always questioned why I ever deserved his MERCY during this time. I don't recall at moment if I cried out to him in prayer during this time or not, but he stepped in when I did not expect it nor deserve it. It was years again before I felt his presence. That is probably because I again turned by back on him by choosing the life I was living. I was "blinded" by desires at the time and just couldn't really see. He kept working on me over the next couple years. He didn't give up. The seeds were there. Later I realized I couldn't do it without Him.
